Do not, under any circumstances, recite a sad, original poem.

A therapist with long hair and a white jacket is balancing a laptop on their laptop while writing.
  • Begin every session by asking your therapist: “How are you?” If they respond with: “I’m fine!” repeat the question, but lean in closer. “No, really. How are you?” To which they’ll reply: “No one’s ever cared enough to ask!” and immediately burst into tears. This is good. Offer them the…

Kick out the former game show host from his position as leader of the free world.

A former Israeli space security chief has sent eyebrows shooting heavenward by saying that earthlings have been in contact with extraterrestrials from a “galactic federation.”

“The Unidentified Flying Objects have asked not to publish that they are here, humanity is not ready yet,” Haim Eshed, former head of Israel’s Defense…


Dylan is a writer and future dead body. His work can be found in McSweeney's, Slackjaw, Points in Case, and others. He occasionally publishes under a pseudonym.

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