Do not, under any circumstances, recite a sad, original poem.

A therapist with long hair and a white jacket is balancing a laptop on their laptop while writing.
A therapist with long hair and a white jacket is balancing a laptop on their laptop while writing.
Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels
  • Begin every session by asking your therapist: “How are you?” If they respond with: “I’m fine!” repeat the question, but lean in closer. “No, really. How are you?” To which they’ll reply: “No one’s ever cared enough to ask!” and immediately burst into tears. This is good. Offer them the tissue box. You are well on your way to becoming their favorite.
  • Never wear the same thing twice. Your therapist’s favorite client is not an outfit repeater.
  • During therapy, you may find yourself gazing out the window, whispering that you “truly understand what it feels like to be Pagliacci the…

Kick out the former game show host from his position as leader of the free world.

Photo by Guillermo Ferla on Unsplash

A former Israeli space security chief has sent eyebrows shooting heavenward by saying that earthlings have been in contact with extraterrestrials from a “galactic federation.”

“The Unidentified Flying Objects have asked not to publish that they are here, humanity is not ready yet,” Haim Eshed, former head of Israel’s Defense Ministry’s space directorate, told Israel’s Yediot Aharonot newspaper.

- NBC News

  1. Kick out the former game show host from his position as leader of the free world.
  2. Shrink the global wealth gap between the rich and the poor through extensive redistribution efforts.
  3. Give Amy Adams an Oscar.
  4. Institute a total…

Dylan

Dylan is a writer and future dead body. His work can be found in McSweeney's, Slackjaw, Points in Case, and others. He occasionally publishes under a pseudonym.

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